Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The feeling are messing with the penis
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
