I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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