Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
