i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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