I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
