Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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