I looked at my own cervix.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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