Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
