i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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