i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
