My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
