Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
