Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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