he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
