I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
