he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
