I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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