There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
