This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
