Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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