Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
