You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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