I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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