my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
