Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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