Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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