My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
