Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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