hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
