I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
