You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
