You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
