You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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