it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
