Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
