One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
