so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
