i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
