I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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