Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
