Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
