Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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