Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
