just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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