she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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