Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cockslap morals
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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