This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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