I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
