Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
