WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
