DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
