Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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