note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
