it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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