you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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