Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
